The ‘Slut’ VS The ‘Virgin’

Alright disclaimer, I am referring to cisgender men and women in this (meaning people who identify as the gender and sex they were given at birth).

Bit Hi

Alright. Lets do this. 

Here’s the dictionary definition of the two.

Slut:

1.) a woman who has many casual sexual partners

2.) a woman with low standards of cleanliness

Bit Devil

Virgin:

1.) a person who has never had sexual intercourse

2.) a person who is naive, innocent or inexperienced

Bit Angel

 

SO, we have a loose woman with no standards for herself, versus a woman who is innocent & pure and the object of every man’s desire due to it. (Also the ‘virgin’ isn’t limited to someone who has never had sex but to someone who has ONE sexual partner.)

Right, okay, great so let me set some things straight.

1.) Virginity or the concept of virginity is man-made (aka: not real)

Its no secret that we live in a patriarchal society. Especially when you consider that women were treated and traded as property for centuries and had no say in who they married or when they married. That being said, they (they being the head of the household plus the men in the family) needed a way to keep the women “pure” to make the them seem pristine and untouched to keep them the most appealing, SO they used the dreaded “Hymen Test”.  The hymen test is basically when someone would check the hymen (a thin fold of tissue located a couple centimeters inside the vaginal opening that surrounds or may even completely cover the opening) to check to see if the woman had sex or not. Most of the time, if it was proven that the hymen was broken the marriage proposal was dissolved.

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!

BLOG hymen.png

There are many different types as you can see & obviously not all women’s bodies operate exactly the same (duh).  Not only can a woman be born without a hymen but the hymen can be broken by a number of physical activities like gymnastics, horseback riding, or bike riding. Also, less then HALF of women bleed the first time they have sexual intercourse  AND if that wasn’t enough, in some cases the hymens don’t even break, they just stretch.  #debunked 

(Also let’s not forget how men are expected, even pressured to have sex and they are NEVER deemed less than or dirty or worthless because of it.)

2.) Vaginas expand while having sexual intercourse and return to their original state.

This is usually the part where you look at your screen in disbelief thinking that I’m just some angry feminist who hates men and is twisting the rules of the virginity BUT… I’m actually right.

Bit Deal w IT

The vagina is a muscle, people tend to forget that, and what does a muscle do? EXPAND AND CONTRACT.  When a woman is sexually excited, the vagina becomes lubricated and it EXPANDS and when said woman stops having sex, guess what, IT CONTRACTS.  Now of course the muscles become tired over time and loosen but people have this misconception that as soon as a woman has sex, it goes from a pinhead to a cave opening when that isn’t true AT ALL.  Its ironic because a woman who has sex repeatedly with one partner isn’t considered ‘loose’ or a ‘skank’.  But, a woman who has had multiple sexual partners AND has had the same amount of sex as the other woman, is somehow different…yeah…okay.

Let’s not forget that WOMEN CAN HAVE CHILDREN.  As in a large organism X amount of times bigger than a penis is EXITING the vagina soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo a penis going into the vagina isn’t doing much ‘damage’ considering a woman can bounce back after having a child.  Lord.

Knowing all of this information really opens your mind to the extreme double standard between the ‘slut’ and the ‘virgin’.

OKAY. 

So far we’ve covered that:

  • Virginity is a social construct
  • Intact hymens are not an indication of ‘virginity’
  • Vaginas are muscles that expand and contract

You learned a lot today. Congratulations. Moving on.

Story Time

So I’m sitting on the bus minding my business and all I hear behind me is  “Oh my god, she’s such a slut!” Of course I turn around looking like:Bit Annoyed.JPG

Two of my friends (both girls I might add) were talking about some random girl.  Me, being the snooper that I am ask “Well, how do you know she’s a slut?”

One of the girls immediately starts this long story about the previously mentioned girl’s sexual exploits.

“She offered to give a guy a blow job for weed.  I know, I was there.”

“She has slept with soooo many of the guys on the football team.”

“Everyone knows she’s a huge slut.”

“Its gross how many guys she’s been with.”

I immediately become defensive, completely stunned and disgusted and I begin to break her ass down. (I’m roughly paraphrasing what I said)

“Seriously? Okay you weren’t even there so how would you know that? Secondly, why are you so obsessed with her sex life? You’re honestly bitter because you aren’t getting any, but don’t slut shame this girl to feel better about yourself. And honestly, I highly doubt you would say ALL this to her face.”

I turned around and put my headphones back in, pissed off to the highest degree. How DARE she try and shame this girl for her sexuality.  I’ve never understood women who shame other women to try and degrade them to make themselves feel better. Its honestly gross.  And worst part about all this is that it’s all rumors.  People are trying to devalue and demean women based off of RUMORS and personal issues they have with themselves that have absolutely nothing to do with the women that they are slut shaming.

This is why the sluts versus virgin thing is so important. People measure a woman’s worth by how many people she has had sex with.  Just think about how insane that is.

If we take two women, one who has had sex with multiple people and the other has not. Your first response would be that the woman who has had a lot of sex is LESS THAN the other woman PURELY based off of sexual conquests.

THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH A WOMAN WHO CHOOSES TO  HAVE CONSENSUAL, SAFE SEX WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS!

Honestly… There’s nothing wrong with it and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. As long as sex is consensual, protection is used, and both parties are free from STD’s – who cares?  Some people are wayyyy too obsessed with other people’s sex lives and shame others who are having the sex lives that they want.  Lets be real.

Long story short: Women aren’t dictated by their sexual activity and should not be judged by who they have sex with and how many they have sex with.

Thanks for reading!

8 thoughts on “The ‘Slut’ VS The ‘Virgin’

  1. Pingback: The ‘Slut’ VS The ‘Virgin’ – Life and Times of a Confused Chicken

  2. I totally agree if you are emotionally equipped to handle having safe and casual sex it is nobody’s business but yours. The girls calling the next a hoe or a slut is usually 10 times more promiscuous.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Why We ALL Need To Respect Sex Workers | afros-and-opinions

  4. My oh my Ms. Soler.. I’m enjoying your blogs tremendously. Great points. I mean, really great points. You are obviously one conscious young woman! So young but tackling some very tough issues. Why are men not considered promiscuous when they have equal or even more sexual encounters as a supposed promiscuous woman. This is a double standard worthy of discussion. Good job.

    Liked by 1 person

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